I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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