What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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