He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
