I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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