My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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