i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
