Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
