I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
