WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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