Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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