The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
