when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
