She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
