I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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