my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
