I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
