this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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