Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
