I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
