I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
