We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
