what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
