____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
