You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
