I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
