genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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