Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
