sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
