you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
