I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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