I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is wine microwaveable?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
