we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
