dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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