I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
