my mouth tastes like poor choices
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
