I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
