And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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