Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
