I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
