Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
