Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
