sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
