I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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