OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
