Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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