Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
