she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
