that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
