he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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