Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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