Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
