yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
