so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
